g o 0 d m0 rn i n G ladies n ' gentle men...i ha vent updat ed thi s thin g ferr a l 0 n g time...im at m ai cu zins h 0 u se...ju s S hangin 0 u t...i s a w THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW yes terday with ma i o th er c uzin br i a n...it wa s aw e s0 me...m ad e s 0 me n o 0 d le s with d r e...yes they w e re de lici 0 us...i l 0 ve her n o 0 dle s...aieet well im t i red n i ha v e to g et rea dy ferr ch ur ch...g o 0 dni te...laterr

PEEK A Bo0...I SMELL Yo 0....

            wassup wit yo 0 all ghe tt o HUMANS...i ferg0 t to menti 0 n that i w ent to tha p a r k yesterday ferr a s ch o 0 l fie ld trippers...h 0 w gay is that...n we cant aff0rd tha bus...so we walked..nice...it wa s hella bur nin yesterday n steekiee...me n je nn ie got hella m a r t i g r a s cuz we hella st ar ted...y o 0 know...fla sh in dem bo 0 bs we got d0 uble tho...one ma rti gra...fer one bo0bie...haha...im juss me s sin...we played hella games n w 0 n them...like a true...hero...haha...yes. ne ho  0...we played f o 0 tball...it was so funny...v a l e r i es such a weirdo...hehe...she hella got hurt by drea min that tha f o 0 tball w 0 uld jusS fly to her...wow...haha...OOOHHH one m o r thang...daniel ((n 0 t tha one wit huge n i pp l e s ~rec ognize d by chanel)) fla shed jennie fer a marti gra...but i saw it ferr FREE...aieet well thats all i gots ferr y o 0 tooda y...laterr

'...i wanna kn0w why y0ur the 0 n e...'   

                            *blaQue-Questi0ns*                                                                           

             h 0 ll ar...wassup witchu all la di es [n] ge n tle men...its an 0 r d i n a r y day on ce agen...ive bee n thinkin ferr s0 me odd reason...doesnt me an nothin...but you kn0 w what...? i ju ss real ized ive 0 n l y felt true love on ce in my entire life...i w0 nder if ill eve r experience th a f ee ling ag en...it felt pretty damn go 0 d ...haha...wtf am i sayin...aieet fer ge t wut i sed...ne ho 0--im a dd i cted to sl 0 w + sa d songs...d0 in ma ((h)) em...--homewerk...bum pi n up ma comp...full bl a s t in 0h well **b0ys II m e n...n0t ready ferr go0dbye **a l l 4 o n e ((paula))...n like a r0se **dunno...h e l l a good songs. damn i h a ve hella h w...im hella be hind...didn t do foh ners hw fer a m0 nth......you know how go 0 d it feels knowing that y 0 u dont have to sa y go0dbye...kn0wing that they ll be l0vin you...f 0 r e v e r...we ll ill leave y0 u with that...l a t e r...

--th i s is 0 n e ran dom entry....

Wh 0 a...today is a boring day full of tirednes s in tha air and a sn o 0 zy bree ze...nice...n e wayz...24 da yz left till SC o 0 L S OVERR BITCHHH...yay...ima miss every one tho... but i ll keep with me all th a p a s t me moir s forever...sad...brings tears...its like when you eat an apple...once you take a b i t e...its not a whol e appl e ne more...wut tha fucC...ne ways...that was st o 0 pid...but IT MAKES SENSE TO ME...i dislike swimming at scho 0 l...i hate the feeling of coming back in tha lo c k er room wit h yer bare feet and hav i ng to touch ((with yer bar e feet )) all that na s ty as s crap that s on the n a sty as s flo0 r...gross...aieet well i m o u t...i h0p e ever y things ba c C to0 normal no w...--tell me wh 0 eve ry one s g0 in to pr0 motiona l with...aieeet laterr...GUESS WHAT...nothing...

PEEK A BOO...i sme ll yo u... im not gonna mention her name but today i learned something. something that gave me a whole new perspective of life and finding yourself...it seems stupid but what she said really got me thinking about who i really was. ever since i was born i guess i wanted to be someone who i wasnt even if that meant having to ruin a friendship not caring what the other person must feel like. i copied. i bit off of. i lied. i did a lot of biting off of...trust me...a lot. and the thing that scares me is that all that time i did those things...i did it knowing what i was doing and not caring about the effect it will have on the person i do it to. it was stupid. these are stupid idiotic mistakes that i have been repeatedly making for the last...my whole life. now that i know what one person feels like...its enough to kind of know how everybody else must of felt like. i regret it. all those stupid things that i did cost me a fortune. i respect the person that talked to me today. i respect her a lot. and for someone i respect that much...it doesnt make sense to me why i would do such a thing. i hate spending 7 hours 5 days a week with having to see and sense someone not as close to you as they were before. it makes you wonder how you can change and what you did that put you apart from that person. now that i know...another question comes up...why did i do it. i may never have the ability to answer that question. i cant say that i understand how she felt and feels but i can say that now i can almost feel what was beyond her physical showing. i put myself in her position and i looked through her eyes imagining what i would see. i know that if i was her i would feel the same. i know that it would bother me. i know that as a friend i would want to confront her and tell her to allow her to undersand how i felt and how that has effected her and myself. after talking to her today i felt somewhat...happy...but then again sad. happy that i had a chance to talk to her and see how she really felt inside and happy that i too had a chance to let her know i understood. but i felt sad knowing that all these years i knew what i did wrong and yet i still did it. its hard for me to change and i if shes reading this i dont want her to get it mixed up that im changing for her and just because of her. i want to let her know that i feel its about time i need to find who i really am and show it. i want to let her know that im changing not only because of her but because i realized what she was trying to tell me. what she said had an impact on me. i dont want to lie so im telling her that i am determined to change because i miss our friendship and how it was before. but im not on the will to change just because of that. i want to change too. i really soaked up what she said today and i hope she believes me i really hope she does but i want to change for myself too. i just want to say thank you for talking to me and letting me know before it got worse than it already has. and i want to say sorry for the past. the thing is i miss our friendship before. i just miss it.